Week five and six stab wounds!

Well, I have not really posted about the Humira. Mainly because hubs has been floored by more infections and more lesions and more pain. Enough to really wonder if anything is working.

But in my hubs words. Overall things are better. Leaking is less but even when it's less it's still getting him down because he still has the lesions draining. You try not to hope too high in case it doesn't work but secretly or sub consciously you hope and expect and you really have to keep on focus that actually, things have improved. Just cos it ain't blasted it out your life don't mean it's not starting to work.

Pain is still pain. Lesions on lesions are the problem and the pains are deeper somehow. To the point the nerves around the lesions are now giving hubs shooting pains for which he had to go to the doctor to get yet more tablets.

Then there are the side effects and the thought that this time of year hubs could catch a cold off a grand kid or a mate and that could floor him because Humira messes with the immune system.

Side effects of the year have to be the nausea and abdominal pains there 247. Waking in the night from the pain only to get the nausea back. Then there is the ear ache.  Then his sinuses are playing up when they shouldn't.

It seems to me that hubs pain is higher than ever. The walking stick is back out again. Hubs feels that's him giving in but the way i see it it's about feeling able to do stuff.  Then the doctor signed him off work so that has messed with his head big time because it's not for a couple of weeks. It's for two MONTHS!  My Big Strong Man that he has always been means he feels totally knocked down.

Then there is the emotional fall out. Although there were no guarantees given, with Humira being a trial for HS, it doesn't stop a person believing that this could be the one thing that turns back the clock. Yeah you try to keep it in your mind it may not work but your mind has other ideas so when hubs experiences all I have written above he feels a huge sense of injustice. The tears have fallen on many occasions this last few weeks. Hubs soul is weaker from the physical battering his body has received and had to consume to only live another day with HS.

Where's my head at in all this you may wonder?

Well. . . . When I see my hubs go through the HS conditions and the side effects of medication and his tears and humility . . .  I could lament my little lot. . . I could moan an awful lot but it's not actually in my nature (hubs star that he is saying Yeah Right O lol). . . I could scream and cry forever . . . But i won't.

So. All my head or my mind can do is crawl up my ass and stay out of my way so that I can be practical, stay strong and keep the faith. It's the least I can do whilst wishing I could do so much more.

Look after you. X